How to know if you suffer from the abandonment wound?
It’s not always easy to determine the source of your feelings. This will help you know if you may be suffering from the abandonment wound.
Activity 1 : Identifying if you are suffering from the abandonment wound and how much it impacts your life.
Did you experience at least one of the following during your childhood?
The absence of one of your parents/a loved one.
A lack of attention/investment from your parents.
The loss of a loved one.
Your parents’ separation.
If you answered yes to at least one of these, let's move forward and see how much it has truly impacted your life.
On a scale from 0 to 5, 5 being the highest, where do you stand among the following statements:
You have low self-esteem and do not love yourself.
You think you are not important to your loved ones.
You don’t trust your close ones, especially your partner.
You prioritize the needs of those around you over your own out of fear of losing or disappointing them.
You feel the need to be validated by your close ones.
You feel that your close ones don’t understand you.
You don’t like being alone.
You feel lonely even when you are surrounded by others.
You attract unhealthy relationships.
You quickly and excessively become attached to the people you meet.
You feel insecure in your romantic and/or friendly relationships.
You panic at the thought that your partner might leave you.
Your emotions and well-being entirely depend on one specific person.
You constantly seek attention and thrill in your relationships (it’s what makes you feel alive).
When you no longer receive the attention you want, you feel devastated.
The attention you receive always ends up feeling insufficient.
You experience a lot of jealousy in your romantic and/or friendly relationships.
You sabotage your romantic and/or friendly relationships.
You have a fear of abandonment.
You believe that you do not deserve love and that you must fight to prove your worth.
What is your total score?
Here’s the scale I’ve defined based on my own experience and the testimonies I’ve received:
• Between 0 and 30: The abandonment wound doesn’t have a significant impact on your life.
• Between 30 and 60: You are affected by the abandonment wound, but its impact is manageable in your daily life.
• Between 60 and 100: You are currently suffering from the abandonment wound, and it has a significant impact on your life.
I did this exercise myself, putting myself in the shoes of the person I was before I began my healing journey, and my score was 96. I then did it again, answering based on how I feel today, and my total was 30. This is simply to show you that it is possible to work on your wound and greatly reduce the impact it can have on your life.
Activity 2 - Reflection
Objective : Understanding how your past wounds affect and shape your current reality.
Journal prompt : 15 minutes - Take a moment to reflect on a time when you experienced abandonment. Write about it. How did you feel? How has this experience shaped your life and relationships up to now? What current life scenarios trigger this memory the most?
Close your eyes and take five deep breaths to center yourself. Then, reread what you wrote while being mindful of the different emotions/sensations that arise within you.
What did you feel? Did this reading evoke any particular sensations/emotions in you?
I invite you to write in your journal what came up for you.
At first, it can be very difficult to reconnect with your emotions and identify them. This process can take time for some people. So, if that’s your case, do not force yourself to label what you are feeling. Initially, simply observe what is happening within you. It is common to feel discomfort or unease without being able to identify the emotion or the reason behind that sensation, and that is perfectly okay.
Your body is your ultimate guide.
By awakening emotions/sensations within you, it transmits messages to you. It is by learning to listen to these messages that you will obtain the answers you need.
Recognizing that you have been abandoned and that you are suffering from it today is the first step in the healing process, and it is an important step. However, it can be destabilizing and difficult. So, I would like to take a moment to validate what you are experiencing. It is absolutely normal to feel what you feel at this very moment, even if these are very uncomfortable and intense emotions.
I invite you to take the time you need to familiarize yourself with these emotions, knowing that they are simply energy in motion, here to guide you.
Listen to your body; does it want to move or express itself in some way?
If so, do not try to control it, and let it be, even if it seems strange to you. Our bodies have their own language to release accumulated tension and energy. Whether through singing, dancing, shaking, shouting, drawing, or just breathing, allow it to express itself.
